there are endless possibilities
itching at my back of my hipbones,
crawling out between my ribs,
spilling through the gaps in my teeth.
it could be vomit, and bile,
or tears mixed with semen,
makeup and sweat,
happiness, sorrow, insanity.
slipping between the milliseconds
hearing you call me a goddess
and a whore in the same breath
demonic, tied up in the
scratching. sloughing off skin cells
unsure of what will
come up from beneath:
mermaids or harpies,
your terror, or my own.
I miss holding them in my hands,
running with the inkblots
smudges, painting shadow-picture
all leather and ribbon and cracked
spines with wetted corners.
honesty is the only way out.
I am bleeding fire.
I can write about these things
as though they are true for me
when I have never been there
never had a house in the trees.
I am a maker,
I make water
I could make life.
There is a secret language
I want to share with you
all careful brushes and fingertips,
but without the physical.
you can speak it in the spaces
know it in the smell before
and after the rain, but never
They feel like laws.
Reams, of papers and protocols
the social sort of punishments.
Struggling against the collapse of society,
all of our bodies tumbling together
A gelatinous membrane against
which I splay my hands and push
but know I cannot go so far as to break.
I am negotiated with,
held up by the ultimate law
I crafted to lay over your delegation
“I love you, I love you.”
I want to speckle stars
on your lungs
to remind them:
there is no gravity in space.
Someday, we will get there.
and eons after, when I am gone
they will remind you what I have said.
“You were made for sieges,
You will outlast this war.”
You will outlast
I found a buried box.
In it, there were candies.
Candies, that tasted like flowers
sweet, like they used to smell.
You were telling me about
the end of of empires, talking
about living underground, unable to wait
for a call, but being able to feel
the Earth, rumble in your bones.
Knowing that there were dragons outside,
knowing, that our miracle was tasting flowers.